Director of Unsolicited Entertainment
Fingers
There are men who can dance.
There are men who know they cannot dance.
And then there's Fingers.
Armed with a cocktail, a spectacularly questionable haircut, and the sexual confidence of a man who has never encountered an honest mirror, Fingers transforms ordinary casino corridors into impromptu nightclubs.
His signature move involves spreading his legs approximately six feet apart, thrusting his hips with alarming conviction, and grinding against an invisible dance partner who, by all available evidence, has already filed for a restraining order.
Fingers believes he is irresistible.
The surrounding casino patrons appear to disagree.
No music is required. No invitation is necessary. And under absolutely no circumstances will a lack of audience enthusiasm be interpreted as a reason to stop.
Casino security has reportedly reviewed the footage several times.
Not as part of an investigation.
They just can't believe what they're seeing.
- Known weaknessOpen floor space.
- Natural predatorHonest feedback.
- Threat levelSexually overconfident.
- Conservation statusUnsupervised.
Fingers Sightings
The Unrequested Floor Show
An otherwise ordinary casino walkway became the scene of an unsolicited exhibition of hip thrusting, grinding, and aggressive pelvic choreography.
No one requested a performance.
Fingers delivered one anyway.
The ATM Seduction
Armed with a cocktail, Fingers was observed pressing his considerable romantic confidence upon an ATM kiosk.
The machine declined to comment.
